Ep. 10 The Secret to Being More Relaxed While Building Your Dreams

It's a wild fucking ride going after building your dreams. 

But that doesn't mean you have to ride the stress-mobile the whole way there. 

In this episode, I'm sharing one big fundamental shift that has helped me gain more energy back in my day-to-day. 

I'm sharing my first pregnancy story and I'm and I'm getting real about what happens when life doesn't go the way you planned — and why that might actually be the best thing that ever happened to you.

XOXO

Transcript

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Hello, hello, and welcome back to In Your Bones podcast. This is the podcast for the wild, creative, intuitive sensitive souls out there who know they're here for a big life. Maybe you're building your business, maybe you're building your side hustle. Maybe you're just on this path of remembering more and more who you are in this world. Welcome. I am so excited for today's episode because this is one that has made such a difference in my world, and this is one that like I continue to digest over and over and over again. Like what I'm about to share with you is like a big core life lesson, and there's layers and layers to it. Like I just love it. It's like the, it's like the lollipop that like never ends. You like lick the top layer and then there's another one. So it is literally the secret to feeling more flow in your life, more aliveness, feeling more relaxed, feeling like I don't have to hold everything and everyone in all of the details in my life. And like before really working with this specific, um, perspective, I was. Such a control freak. And it's something that I'm like learning to let go of slowly, but I was the person who was like, if there was last minute plans, I just couldn't handle it. Like, why are we doing everything? So last minute and to this day, like I still like, you know, a little bit of time for my energy to acclimate to what we're gonna do, but I'm much more flexible to going with the flow. So this podcast is all about doing things with our full intention and being detached from how it will unfold and doing things with our full intention. I think the confusion here is intention versus expectation. When we do things with our full intention, that means we're doing everything we can think of to do that one next step. But releasing the expectation of how we think it should work out is how we feel more relaxed in our life. And I'm gonna give you an example of this. When I found out I was pregnant with my eldest daughter, Ron, I, I mean there's a lot that immediately started going through my mind, like what? I got pregnant when we were four months into dating. And although we talked about getting pregnant, which was so wild to me, he was like, okay, when do you wanna have kids? I was like, yesterday. Um, it's still when it happened. I still had to go through that moment of, well, I don't know how prepared I am for this. And I was living in South Florida at the time and I was not near my family and we still were trying to figure out, okay, where we're gonna live next. My lease was gonna be up. He was, uh, living, yeah, he was living in a spare like room that his uncle had. Um. So I just like all of these thoughts started going in my head and I immediately thought like, I need to go back to Arizona to be closer to my family so that my daughters could grow up with my sister. She had just had a kid, a, a, a girl. So I was like, oh, so the cousins can grow up together. Like I really had my heart fully set on the intention that my daughter was gonna grow up with a cousin that was her age. And I fully had the expectation of what that would look like. So my intention was I want my daughter to grow up with someone her age that she can play with. I want her to know family. I want her to be surrounded by love. And then my expectation was, okay, so that's gonna look like we go to. Arizona, we maybe have to start figuring out a job in Phoenix. We have to start applying for that, um, and start orchestrating our move. So I started moving towards what I expected. Uh, we got out of the condo that we were living in, in Miami Beach. We started living in my now husband's family's house. So I was like living with his mom, his dad, his sister that all lived in the house. And he was working for a restaurant group at the time, and they actually had locations in Phoenix. So I was like, okay, you gotta go into your boss. You gotta tell him I wanna transfer to the Phoenix area. So I remember sitting in the bed in the extra room when he walked in. And he kind of had this solemn look on his face and he said, babe, they didn't accept my work transfer. They're not gonna let me transfer to Arizona. And I mean, I was just in tears because I had the expectation of what it would look like. I thought I knew that was the best way to get my daughter. Around love and fast forward seven years down the road, I am so, so glad that things unfolded the way that they did. My daughter actually did end up growing up with cousins that are her age, that are her best friends through my husband's sister, so. Their side of the family also had daughters, or sh yeah. You get what I'm saying? His sister was also, um, pregnant, right before I was pregnant, and those cousins have had the beautiful experience of growing up together. And while that wasn't my expectation of how my intention was gonna get filled, my intention still got filled. Same way, and perhaps even better, better than I could have possibly imagined, but it wasn't what I expected. I think when we set our intention out there and we think, this is my intention, I want this or something better, and I am open to the possibility of how this will be filled for, for me. And I don't need to know all of the steps and I don't need to know all of the details and I don't need to grasp and control like that is part of the magic of life is we do not know how it all unfolds for us. And so many times the way that we set out to do things is not the way that it ends up for us. But so many times it ends up so much better and trusting that it's gonna end up being better than you could possibly imagine is like the most magical way to live life when you show up and things are not going the way you planned, instead of like, ugh, gripping and like tensing your body and like grinding your teeth and all of that. Can you take a deep breath and like. Open to the possibility of, well, this is probably just gonna bring me something better anyway, so let's do it this way. There's so much of our own suffering comes from when we try to fight with reality being the way that it is. And like I fought with not being able to move to Arizona, I think I cried for an entire week. But I could have enjoyed that whole week of pregnancy that my child was also feeling all of those emotions in utero with me. If I could go back and tell that version of me, it's gonna turn out so much better than you even imagined. Don't even worry. Like, oh my gosh, what a gift. So now that's how I approach my present day. I approach it with, well, maybe this isn't turning out the way I expected, but I'm gonna continue with the intention of it, and I'm going to open up to the possibility that it's going to turn out better than I even imagined. It's like, you know when you started doing those experiments with baking soda and vinegar. You have like the dish set and then you like put the water in and then you like put the baking soda, you mix, mix, mix, and then you like dump the vinegar and then it just like explodes and then you get to like enjoy witnessing the explosion of it. For me, when we try to. Control the outcomes of everything. It's like we're trying to control how the baking soda and the vinegar are going to explode and mesh together. Then we don't get to enjoy how it's all happening for us. And it feels kind of crazy to like grip to everything like it. It's just not enjoyable You're just out there trying to calculate all of it, holding all of it. And, and that feels exhausting. And I know because like literally that's how I lived so much of my life was trying to, through sheer willpower, like, ugh, move everything just the way that I wanted it and. It's so much more exciting to not have to orchestrate it that way. It's so much more fun to just think, I'm going to do my part, which is you do the ingredients part. You make sure you're adding the baking soda. You make sure you have the dish, you make sure you have the water. You make sure you have the vinegar. That means doing what it is that you know to do that moves you towards the intention that you want. And you don't have to worry about then orchestrating how it's gonna explode and move from there. That's the fun part, is you get to be more and more detached and when you do that, life becomes more and more playful and more alive because you just know that your part is the ingredients part. And everything that happens after that, you get to decide that it is happening for you, for your evolution, so that you can become the person you wanna become. Everything is showing you like all the obstacles in your life that you will ever come across are there so that you can become the person you become on the other side of that obstacle. So that you can show yourself what you're made of so you can show yourself how resourceful you are so you can show yourself how wise you are so you can show yourself how incredible you are. 'cause you are the person that's gonna get to the other side of the obstacle. How do I know? Because you've gotten to every other side of the obstacle that you've ever encountered so far. You're here. That means you've traversed a thousand gajillion obstacles. 'cause that's what life is. So you can rest in the fact that you'll know what to do when the next obstacle comes up. And you get to enjoy the journey. It's not just about like arriving at the goalpost. 'cause once you get to the thing that you want, you know there's gonna be the next goalpost and the next one after that. And being detached from the outcome of our intention. Lets us enjoy the journey. It lets us experience life as if it is always happening for the better of us. Like that is the magic in life. That is it. That is the full like, ugh, that is like, I don't know, the chef's kiss of life. when we have expectation. Expectation is only a prediction of what we feel should happen based on the past. Based on a past pattern and a lot of times it's been given to us. Expectations have been given to us by someone else. What someone else thinks should happen for us, what someone else has taught us should happen after X, Y, and Z. And we don't have to be like shackled down to someone else is like idea of how life should play out. You know, we get to decide. That every moment is happening for us. Uh, we don't have to be so glued down to one narrow timeline of what we think would be in our best interest. That's expectation. We get to roll with the punches. We get to ride the wave of life. Yeah. And I do think it's so important to have an intention, like I do think it's so important to have the idea of I'm moving towards building this business, or I'm moving towards having more money, or I'm moving towards having deeper, more fulfilling relationships in our my life, or I'm moving towards having a better relationship with my body. All of that. It is so valuable. I love intentions where we're working towards the next evolution of something, but when we're open to possibilities of how that happens for us, that's how we let go of expectation. It's like, yeah, I would love to have. A beautiful business and so many of us set out, uh, building our business and we're like, okay, so I'm going to start showing up online and I have the expectation that other people are gonna receive my posts positively. You know? And I think that that's what stops people from showing up online or posting more, or, and that's for me, that's, I'm, I'll speak from my own self for me. When I would have a post that would have one or two likes, if I looked at it from the perspective of that's not how I thought that that should play out, then of course that's gonna cause me suffering. But if I look at it from the perspective of this is just one tiny notch on my way to building this amazing thing that I'm building, and who cares if like it. Didn't perform a certain way. I get to wake up and continue building tomorrow and continue moving towards my intention. Like then when I shift to that perspective, all of a sudden I have more energy to do it tomorrow. Because I think burnout comes from a lot of times focusing on things that aren't really for us. I, I mean, I don't wanna get too far into burnout entirely, but then having these expectations and holding all of the expectations of how you think it should be, and then doing all of these things because you think that's how it should be. When you are moving with life and you're on this path of evolution, you start learning. To let go of so much of those shoulds, you stop fighting so much with life because guess what? If you're fucking fighting your reality every single day, what the fuck? That's like a hard ass life if you're trying to like maneuver everything in your reality so that it's just so, just the way that I expect it to be, like, you're gonna be fucking miserable. And depleted of energy and brittle. And so the antidote to that is being flexible, moving with life, constantly letting the waves take you to where you need to be without forcing it. And for me, this has been such a. Core core lesson to greater and greater levels of aliveness. For me in, I won't say like this is the key to happiness. 'cause I think happiness is just one part of the spectrum of aliveness, and I don't think that the goal is to be so happy all the time. I think the goal is to be alive. And feel it all and experience it all and be open to it all. When I am in flow and I allow. Then things can move through me. And so yeah, when I get news that I don't necessarily like, or you know, an argument with my husband, what I get to then do is look at it from the perspective of everything is happening for me. Where is the wisdom here that I can take away? You know, maybe I was like short and choppy with him and I can work on delivering things with more love. If I ask him to take out the trash, can I say it in a more loving way? So circling back to then doing things with our full intention, with our full ass, like not doing things half-ass, going full throttle for it, but then also releasing detachment from how it plays out. I think one of the biggest things that comes up for us is thinking. Is it even possible for me to do it anyway? And what happens is, is that every little hiccup along the way, then we can start, sort of start to weaponize that thing against ourselves. So I'm gonna give you a concrete example. Say you wanna go full out and start showing up online to promote your business, to promote your side hustle, but then every time a social media reel flops, now you're taking it as evidence that it's not gonna work out for you. Now you're starting to see, like you had that expectation that it was gonna work out for you, and now everything that doesn't fit that expectation, then now you're weaponizing it as evidence that it's not gonna ever work out. But instead, we set the intention of, Hey, I'm gonna go out there. I'm gonna start talking about my business. I'm gonna start sharing what it is that I know. I'm gonna start sharing my God-given gifts with the world, and I'm going to do it because it lights me the fuck up. Yeah, because I know this has made such a big difference in my life because I just want to lift others around me up, and I'm doing it and I'm having fun, and I'm doing it, and I'm feeling alive and I'm doing it, and it gives me energy to do it. That that right there, it's like now I'm doing things with my full ass intention and I'm letting it unfold as it may. That is what has kept like, that's for me is what has allowed me to start showing up more consistently. To start, like getting so serious about sharing my gifts is knowing that I am doing it because it's fucking fun for me because it lights me up. I don't need anyone else's validation. I don't need someone to love me doing this in order for me to continue doing it. I'm doing it because I love it and if someone else loves it, then I love that for them. But it's not it. It doesn't validate whether I'm on the right track or not. Because I already know that I'm on the right track because I'm already feeling alive as I'm doing it because I like, like right now, even as I'm talking, I'm like, oh my God, I get to actually record this podcast. Like I'm so freaking grateful that I have this avenue to let my creativity fly. And I don't need someone to be like, oh my God, that podcast episode was amazing for me to know that I want to record this podcast episode and the next one, and the next one. After that, I get to feel the, the whole, the whole gift of it. The reward is how I feel right now in this moment. Recording the podcast episode. The reward isn't when someone messages me and tells me, oh my God, that podcast episode was great. Although I love those comments, don't get me wrong. I love seeing that someone, um, received value from that. We're human. We love seeing that, but it isn't the sole purpose of doing this. My intention. With building my business is so that I get to be 90 years old and I get to say I lived full out. I followed my soul's like intuition every step of the way. I did what lit me up so that it could also light up those around me because when you're more alive, you're bringing everyone up with you. That is my intention, so that I get to be 90 years old and I have no fucking regrets. And however it plays out is how it plays out. And I'm not limiting myself to one specific timeline of how I think it should look. My intention is set and I release expectations. And I'm telling you, I'm gonna be working on this my whole life. There's layers and layers and layers. 'cause I know that I still have, I can still feel in my body where there is that initial expectation of, uh, that's not exactly how I wanted that to go. And then when that happens, I get to then say, okay, well. Let me just try to open up to more possibilities of how this might land. So I'm still course correcting this every single day, and I think this is like a lifelong journey. So no matter where you're at with this, I want you to know that. You're, it is like whatever next step you can take towards detachment is the next step you can take. It's not about being harsh on ourselves, it's not about like thinking, oh my God, I'm doing this all wrong. We get to have compassion and we get to like, we get to do this work, you know? This is the fun part. We get to live full out. We get to evolve. All right. That is it for now. I will see you in the next episode. Sending so much love.